Parents and their Good Intent
IMPORTANT:Read the entire post before commenting, please. I’m tired of people reading posts halfly, not getting the point, and then going on with mistargeted flaming.
I had to hang up the phone in the ear of my father the other day. I did warn him however, that if he would intrude into personal parts of how I decide to run my life, I’d hang up. Yet, he goes on, knowing I’d be offended, and I hung up the phone.
I’m 24 years old, have lived away from home for the last 6 years, studied at a university among other things, and done it well. I’ve even had a job in game design during this time. But, he has this need give advice - some that he must know just questions my intelligence and personal judgement completely, like he doesn’t trust myself to lead my own life. Small details; things that he just doesn’t have anything to do with. I respect his advice as long as I get to ask for it myself; and trust me - I would never ask him about his opinions regarding how I should or should not dress myself. I would never try to tell him how or how not to live his life, so why does he try that on me from time to time?Some would shrug, smile a little, sigh lightly and say that parents will always be like that. Be like what? Unrespectful? Choking? Just because parents will always be like this, does that automatically mean that the sons and daughters of them have to put up with crap; of parents crossing every line and border of privacy, just so that they may feel a little better inside?
“It’s all in good intent”. My intentions are good when I intrude into your personal sphere, tell you that what you’re doing is wrong even though it clearly works for you, and try to force upon you my way. That’s not good intent, that’s not trusting a person to live his or her own life. Most socially sane people knows better than to butt in and try to control someone else’s life. How come that parents, even when their sons and daughters are adult, seem to think that these social borders and norms don’t apply to them? That their offspring must automatically and obediently listen and obey to everything they say, to let them get under your skin, into your mind, pull your private strings and try to control and enforce their will, to say that your ways are less worth than their ways? …a manic need of control? Saying it’s in good intent is just a really bad and washed out excuse.
I can definately say I can’t see the cute side of it that some mention. It’s torture. It’s one of the reasons I moved out at the age of 18 and would never in my life stay home for more than a few days in a row. I’m no rebel - I just need my own mind for myself.
So what was it about then? Well, my father thought it was very important to tell me (for the 10th time so far) that I must wear shoes if I were to go to a job interview. The reason to why I got so upset isn’t that I do as I want, or that it’s up to me if I want to be barefoot, or that I can use my own judgement and actually use shoes for such an occasion - the reason is that no one other than myself has anything, ever, to do or say when it comes to how I choose to dress, except perhaps my employers who might want to enforce a dresscode! If problem arises, it is my problem, no one elses, and stepping in between me and my business is nothing other than saying “I don’t trust you to live your own life, let me control it for you“.
Believe me what I say that this isn’t the first time I’ve had to defend my privacy. For many years I’ve had my life questioned and “corrected” by my father - how I study, how I talk, how I walk, how I dress - and regardless of how calmly I try to explain to him that I feel bad when he does that, he goes on about his It’s All Just In Good Intent. This is not just a one time occurance (in which case even I would think I was either a psycho or utterly dependent on principles) - this was just the final drop.
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